It takes a village to raise a marriage

It seems every person has been affected by marriage breakdown. Whether personally, or those close to you, the shocking reality of separation and divorce leaves an ugly stain on our lives, our families, and on our broader Christian community.

It's shocking and depressing how early in my life, even amongst dear friends of mine, that I too have been affected by this sadness, and tasted the bitterness of marriage breakdown.

I don't need to convince you of the pain.

So I'm extremely thankful for Moore College, in the way they are seeking to protect the marriages of their students. There is no magic pill to save a marriage, but like cars - marriages benefit from a regular service. Lecturer Keith Condie and his wife Sarah, led a bunch of married first years through the first stage of a marriage enrichment course on Saturday. It was a very precious time, of being deliberate in protecting our marriages.

One particular thing Keith said, struck really close to home for me.

"They say it takes a village to raise a child, well its true too of marriage."

There is a sense where it takes the entire community to help protect marriages. And even more so amongst Christians. I think thats why one particular marriage break up amongst my friends continues to haunt me. One aspect of the whole messy business still saddens me: It was a surprise. They never said anything, and I never asked. So while I don't think I was proactive in helping protect that union, my failure was magnified by theirs. They didn't seek help. That union has since ended completely, and time has now passed and its not causing me to lose sleep. But I have, a number of times, been drawn back to often helpful speculations about ways as a couple they failed to engage with other Christians, and how as a community we (and I) failed to serve them. It really does take a village to raise a marriage.

Further thoughts from the marriage day;
1. The repentance/forgiveness dynamic of the Christian life, means every day is a fresh start for our marriages. Every day is a fresh start. In other words, it's never too late. It's never easy, either. But it's never too late to have a fresh start as long as both partners remain committed to making it work. Mind you, this should be a redundant comment, for the whole concept of marriage is tied up with the freedom that comes from the irreversibility of the commitment. That is, you are committed to making it work every day.

2. I sometimes call Sarah 'mate' or 'bro'. I've been mocked for it before. But remaining friends is central to making marriage work.

3. Loosely related to the marriage day, Sarah was telling me recently that single guys don't know how to relate to married women, so on the whole they ignore them. I've been testing her theory by observation, and I reckon it's pretty spot on.

No doubt more reflections will come over the next few weeks.

By the way, that picture is from my own wedding day. We asked a couple of family friends who are keen amateur photographers, to be our drivers. So while our photographer was snapping away, the drivers were taking some really cool reverse angles and the like. Some of them came up a treat.