Lately, I've been feeling like I shouldn't be speaking, or more specifically, blogging. Who am I to have an opinion that anyone else cares about? Sure, I say that the purpose of this blog is for my personal reflection. But by putting it "out there" I'm saying something about the value of my thoughts for others.
It's not that I feel I'm being overly negative, or critical, or proud, or arrogant, or abusive, or fame-seeking. In fact, quite the opposite. I've gotten in more trouble than its worth in saying things in this strange beast that is blogdom.
But who am I to say anything? I'm no ministry guru. I haven't done anything! I don't lead a church, I'm no expert on reaching Gen Y, I don't want to plant a church, I haven't won swathes of converts, I'm not an expert on anything, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I just haven't. I am Mr. Nobody. My Mr. Nobody hardly deserves capitals. I'm mr. nobody.
So shut-up and do something, you say. Well, that's what I've been doing. This is no ivory tower from which I throw my barbs on the unsuspecting tiny kingdom that is the few evangelicals who wander across my blog (and the unfortunate sods who google "Hillsong experience").
But I have found myself being decidedly less reflective since I've stopped blogging. I just haven't got the personal discipline to journal or whatever it is that 13 year old girls do these days to collect their thoughts.
I don't even know why I'm writing this now. I guess to give you an insight into my absence in the blogosphere of late. This is not simply my 6 monthly cry-outs for people to come and say, "No, we love your bad puns and you are significant you little rapscallion."
I warned you. Insecurity is never attractive.
Do you think you have to be someone to contribute to a discussion though? This is a dilemma I'm kind of feeling at the moment - having given up an opportunity to argue a case in a Christian newspaper partly because I was told "you're only a student" - I think we're in danger of creating some form of super-apostle where only those who have a certain level of experience are able to speak. Which is a bit rubbish.
ReplyDeleteTrue true. There is benefit in contributing to discussion. I think this feeds into our societal emphasis on "experts" and that you can only be an expert in one discipline, and you can't be a jack of all trades, therefore if you aren't an expert you can't speak authoritatively.
ReplyDeleteI value your thoughts, Izaac. It's good to hear about the things you're learning and thinking about, and keep up with your lives (as briefly as you mention personal things, of course) since I don't have the pleasure of going through ministry with you. It's nice to share in your ministry at a distance, at least.
ReplyDeleteI've had some of the same thoughts about blogging. I figure, I don't presume to have authoritative opinion, but if anyone reads my blog, it's good to have discussion and be taught by others, and if I teach others in the process, yay. And it's just a way for people to get to know me and my mind better. Hopefully our reflecting on ministry and life will be valuable for someone.
I think you write very well, think deeply and biblically, are creative and out-of-the-box and brave/stupid enough to say some controversial stuff. And I think you have a good sense of humour. Find new pace/style of blogging and keep it up, I say!
ReplyDeleteI've missed your posts. I think you've crossed the line less often than many of us. Forget insecurities. They make life unfun.
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